Paid For His Efforts
by A. Sade
Summary: Mainpulated, misunderstood, words twisted at every turn. Through the eyes of one who saw him not as a God, but as a man, the greatest story ever told takes on a harder light. Devotion is dangerous when distorted.
1. Prologue

Ok, so this is the prologue of Jesus Christ Superstar. I wasn't planning on writing this but one day pen just found paper and I fell in love with what I had in my head. I have limited time to upload so I'l upload more if this gets reviewed at all.

_A. Sade_

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**Prologue**

_While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the Scripture might be fulfilled._ – John 17:12

The cold and fresh haze of dawn crept silently over the city. It illuminated the streets in a soft glow, as if in an attempt to create a veneer of peace over the place. It was indeed still. Silence coated the streets. It was the Sabbath, not that that meant much anymore. The man who stood in the shadow of the temple wall gazed up into the sky, allowing the scent of morning to wash over him. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to ease the ache in his muscles. There was an elderly man asleep on the stone steps across the way. His mouth hung open as he lay sprawled, half empty liquor bottle hanging from his bony fingertips. From the shadows he watched the drunk for a minute or two, until the silence was broken by the sound of heavy, uneven footsteps coming across the courtyard. The footsteps stopped by the temple and relieved themselves against the temple wall. It was a struggle to stay concealed after such an act of petulant abuse, but hidden he remained until the footsteps had faded away in the other direction.

Another few minutes went by in silence. He stayed where he was. Waiting. The sky was now red and the shadows had moved somewhat. He could hear the military drills beginning across the city and wondered how long before they'd be interrupted. Most days the riots began before lunch. The fighting worried him as no one seemed to see the madness of it all. There was no need to aggravate the romans. The Romans had brute force enough to take down any violent outburst, and the manipulative intelligence to seek out any such organisation that would infiltrate, corrupt or otherwise threaten their grip on the East.

He was distracted from his thoughts at peals of laughter which were rapidly drawing nearer. He shrank back into the shadows. The laughing woman came into view, her dark hair falling carelessly around her bare shoulders. Her eyes flashed in the sunlight as she held her skirt up from the dirt. Her body was all that a woman's body should be, glorious, godlike almost. Yet imperfect, he relished the thought. Behind her came another man. Leaning forward by the wall he watched, waiting, but dreading to know the truth. Tall, built and handsome her follower took her hand and pulled her nearer to him. They moved as if dancing, effortlessly free and easy. He took her face in his hands, pulling her in closer. The man watched their embrace from where he stood, a sickness in his stomach and ice seeping through his veins. The woman pulled free and let out another peal of laughter. She took his hand and quickly pulled him past the unconscious drunk, twirling and dancing as she led him around the corner and out of sight. Silence descended on the courtyard once more and, his heart on fire, the man emerged from behind the temple wall.

He fell to his knees, his hands gripping his hair, allowing the pain he did not wish to feel wash over him, wave after wave. His breathing was shallow and he shut his eyes tight. When he opened them again he squinted up against the sunlight and saw five figures staring down at him from the temple gate. They were dressed all in black, making it hard to discern where their bodies ended and their shadows began. They were smiling secretly at him. Unnerved, he slowly got to his feet, wiping dust from his face. The five high priests turned and moved, as if one, back into the temple. When they had disappeared from view he sighed and made to leave. Passing the drunk, he took the bottle from him and left a few denari by his side. He downed the remaining liquid, flinching at its bitterness, before glancing back at the spot where Mary Magdalene and Jesus had been entwined only minutes before.

Knowing the truth at last, he decided, was not liberating as he had hoped, but suffocating. The knowledge bore down on him with no mercy or logic. Throat dry, blood cold and stomach sick, Judas turned and left the courtyard the same way the couple had, willing the darkness to swallow him whole.


	2. Heaven On Their Minds

**Heaven on Their Minds.**

Six of twelve were present. Peter scanned the crowd again, anxious. The roman raids were becoming more frequent now. And more violent. He leaned in to speak to James who nodded, running a hand through his dark hair. John, who rarely spoke, put a gentle hand on peter's shoulder and gestured down the slope. Four men carrying woven mats and baskets of bread up the final stretch of the peak made ten of twelve. Peter sighed and glanced at the sky. The sun wouldn't reach midway for another hour or so, there was time. But to keep the people waiting, it was unlike his master. Jesus cared for his followers, he treasured the looks on their faces as they drank in his words, he had told peter this on numerous occasions. He would be along soon. And as for the other two absent from their group of twelve, peter could say with shame, yet honesty, that he didn't give a shit.

Judas stopped at the bottom of the mountain watching Mary and Jesus wind their way hurriedly to the top. Many people had given up the climb a little over half way and had laid blankets over the rocky ground to sit on. Judas kicked at a bit of loose stone and turned back toward the city perimeter. Shading the sun from his eyes he scanned the shimmering landscape and after a moment he spotted the familiar group of figures against the edge of the north wall. Swallowing the trickle of fear, Judas made his way over to the crudely uniformed men. Drenched in sweat they acknowledged his presence with no more than a glance as they continued their usual morning training. Peter ducked aside as a man was thrown right in his path and side stepped another in the midst of never-ending push ups. All were muscular, tall and built for combat. The tallest of them called over to Judas from the head of the group.

"You're late again." His bald head and rough voice suited each other perfectly. Judas forced himself to make eye contact with him.

"I'm sorry, Simon. There was trouble last night – raiders again." He rubbed his neck then bent down to the ground and began his methodical and rhythmic push ups. "I didn't-"

Simon cut across him. "We'll have to start night patrol again." He cracked his knuckles and moved away to confer with some of the others. Judas kept up his rhythm, breathing in and out, in and out. It was almost therapeutic. He was very conscious of the time. Jesus would begin speaking soon and Judas did not want to be late because of Simon again. Twenty minutes passed and Judas had moved to wrestling Adam, an older man of the group. He wasn't much of a match for Judas, but his mind was elsewhere this morning. After he had been pinned for the third time Simon grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him to his feet.

"You might as well stop now. You're hardly any use today. Besides, you know as well as I do we have somewhere else to be."

Judas felt sick. "He's up there already, I saw him go. She was with him again." Simon's hand was heavy on his back. He eyed Judas up with his cold grey eyes. "I don't see why you keep such a tab on her. It's harmless. "

Judas chose not to answer and allowed himself to be lead toward to mountain leaving the muscle bound militia behind in the dust. Simon filled him in on the rebels' plans for the coming weeks and Judas nodded every now and again. He wasn't interested. When silence fell Judas looked at Simon carefully. "This can't keep going on. You know where we'll all soon be, don't you?" He paused. "I can see it. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who can see it."

Simon grunted. "I've no idea what you're talking about half the time Judas." He cracked his knuckles. It was becoming an annoying habit.

"It's just that…Jesus. He has no idea what he's getting himself into here. He has so much to teach us, all of us. I've never heard anyone speak like him…" They had begun the long climb up the mount and Judas could feel he beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"He really knows how to manipulate a crowd." Mused Simon, sidestepping two young boys playing in the dirt. Judas frowned at him.

"But he won't quell the rumours that have been circulating…They say he's the son of God, the messiah." Judas wiped the sweat from his brow. They were nearly there, he could see peter helping an old woman to find a place to sit. "I worry what the crowd will do when they find out that it's all hype…and then where will the militia be? Our tactics are far from –"

"Oh give it a rest Judas," Simon growled at him. "He gets the crowd on our side, that's all the militia needs. Jesus has more supporters than any other preacher. People follow him wherever he goes and the talk that they actually believe… We can manipulate their attention when the time is right. I'd say even Jesus will see sense and join the cause soon; I know the Romans anger him. Everyone expects something great to happen soon. It's in the air."

Judas didn't answer. He hated Simon and his cold way of viewing the world. As if life was on big battlefield. They climbed the last few yards in silence and arrived on the peripheral of the dense crowd just as Jesus began to speak. Pushing his way to the epicentre Judas realised that this was the first organised public address Jesus had given. He wondered if he would speak for longer than usual. Peter nodded at him as he sat down by the other ten of the twelve. Peter was always civil, always cold. Fuck him. Judas thought. Arrogant as they come. He relaxed, allowing Jesus' voice to wash over him and he felt at peace. Jesus stood smiling gently at the crowd, his palms upturned. His speech flowed effortlessly. Judas looked around. Many people were staring in awe at the man in the simple white tunic. Judas could tell they were hardly even listening to the words he spoke. Jesus now mattered more than his message. Judas clenched his fist in frustration. It was so wrong. All the good they'd done, all the people they'd helped to better themselves, all of it would be swept away if this celebrity status continued.

Jesus caught Judas' eye and smiled at him with a small wink. Judas' stomach did an uncomfortable turn. He returned a small smile and tried to calm his nerves for now. Just keep Jesus safe, he thought, Keep an eye on him. Judas looked across the crowd once again. Everyone was entranced and awestruck and, behind Peter, sat Simon, small eyes staring hungrily at Jesus, as if he were a pawn ready to be put to use against a king. He would twist everything Jesus said. Soon powerful people were going to take notice of the hype caused by Jesus and his followers, and with Simon at the heart of his inner circle, whispering in Jesus' ear and taking the reins of the crowd it would all explode back in their faces soon enough. Judas looked back at Jesus who was urging the people to allow their light to shine to the entire world. Judas' stomach gave another twist, more like a flutter. If only none of this madness had happened. Jesus would have been better off if he'd stayed home as a carpenter. Safe and secure. Judas couldn't understand why no one could see the danger they were putting themselves in, they were conquered, the Romans would not tolerate riots and rebellion. Judas sighed quietly to himself. They were too infatuated with Jesus and his beautiful lessons. They had too much heaven on their minds.


	3. What's The Buzz?

_Thanks for the reviews so far you guys, I can't believe anyone actually read this! :) This chapter went on a bit but with short chapters there's no room for development...and I couldn't help myself! Because of this I've left out the second part of 'What's the Buzz' the part which pitches Judas against Mary) and am going to slot it into 'strange thing, mystifying' as that song is short anyway. I know I've taken a few liberites with certain things from the bible story but for the sake of a fanfaction I hope i can be forgiven. I've tried to keepbasic facts correct :) Hope you enjoy it,_

_A. Sade**.**_

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**'What's The Buzz?'**

It had been a while since Judas had been in Jerusalem. The Sermon on the Mount seemed like only yesterday. He gazed up to the sky, relishing the cool, evening breeze. They were staying in a village outside the city limits and Jesus was weary from his travels. Not that he would admit it to any of his followers. But Judas knew. And he liked to think that Jesus knew that he knew. He sat down against the wall of the small inn and could hear the chatter bubbling inside, Peter's loud voice telling some ridiculous story from his fishing days and James' booming laugh echoing above it all. Judas allowed his mind to wander over the events of the past months. Sometimes it was hard to comprehend the enormity of it all, as though there was a wall inside his head preventing an inescapable truth from capturing him. Healing, raising from the dead, it was too surreal, like a dream.

Judas smiled and pulled out a scroll of parchment from his pocket. He would let the other eleven busy themselves with the understanding of what was happening to them all. Judas knew it was best if he kept out of it, if remained looking after their finance and their comfort. He was happy as long as he was taking care of Jesus. He made several adjustments to his workings and put the parchment back in his pocket. He could hear Andrew and John talking of past lovers by the window, the smell of alcohol seeping down to greet him. Smiling to himself he stood up and yawned. It was getting cold. After one last look at the stars he pulled his garments tighter and walked around to the front of the inn.

The smell of alcohol was strong and a few of the men lay sleeping peacefully on the floor, drunk but happy. Judas shook his head, a grin sneaking across his face as he saw Philip and Thomas arm wrestling as usual. He was awfully fond of them all. Well, almost all of them. Simon and Peter were talking in the corne. Judas averted his eyes to avoid speaking to them. Although their conversation was hushed the words were not friendly, and Judas did not care to know what Simon was trying to rope peter into helping him with. It wouldn't work whatever it was. Peter fancied himself Jesus' right hand man. He would never spoil his clean sheet while he was with Jesus.

Judas yawned again. It was late. They would have to be up early to avoid the crowds recognising one of them on a food run and then swarming them when they learned where Jesus was. Judas would not have Jesus exhaust himself. He took a spare blanket from the passageway and pushed open the door to Jesus' room. Jesus lay on the bed by the window. He was curled up to keep warm, his knees to his chest. Judas looked self-consciously at the door before moving closer to the bed. He unfolded the blanket and carefully placed it over Jesus' sleeping form. Judas watched him and after a minute or two Jesus' body relaxed and he looked peaceful. Judas swallowed and moved to extinguish the candle but the creak of the door made him jump. He whirled around and an uncomfortable knot formed in his stomach. It was Mary. She blushed when she saw him, folding her arms and pulling her clothes tighter around herself.

"What are you doing in here?" He asked her, keeping his voice low.

She eyed him up, moving closer to the bed. "I came to make sure Jesus wasn't cold…" She looked at the blanket and then back to Judas. "I see you've already-"

"-Taken care of it, yes..." He hadn't meant to snap at her.

Mary nodded and turned to the door. Before departing, she cocked her head to the side and stared at him a moment through her intelligent brown eyes, and Judas had to look away from their piercing stare. He sighed, listening to her footsteps echoing down the passage and out the inn door. Her obsession with Jesus was getting to him. He looked down at his sleeping teacher and allowed the rhythmic rise and fall of Jesus' chest to calm and relax him. He did not know how long he stood, watching, listening, but when Judas finally left the room the first specks of light were creeping on the horizon.

The next few days passed very slowly. Tensions were growing in the group as many were itching to get into the city for the Passover. Jesus seemed to be completely at ease, he used his time to relax and to pray while his disciples hummed around him, eager to be on their way.

"There's nothing happening whatsoever." Hissed Simon after dinner one evening. Judas frowned at him.

"Jesus just wants a rest, he deserves a little peace wouldn't you say?"

Simon snarled at him. "You're too soft Judas. Jesus has had plenty of time to rest. There are people awaiting him, us, in the city and we need to be there to make contact with our resources. So shut the hell up about Jesus for once, he's fine. Fuck sake, you're lucky you have me to protect you I-"

"Protect me?" Judas glared at him. "From what exactly do I need protecting?" His fists were clenched under the table and he forced himself to meet Simon's eye, swallowing the familiar fear.

"From everyone." Simon leant forward, threatening him. "You're an outsider. We all come from Galilee. Where Jesus is from. You…You're of Judea. You don't really belong in this group of twelve; I could make them see you as a burden, as a money conscious, uptight, queer."

Judas felt a cold sinking in his stomach. He knew Simon was right about how different he was. No one knew better than he. But Jesus, Jesus accepted him, liked him, even loved him. That was all that mattered to Judas. He knew what the others said about him behind his back, but Judas did not care. He loved them all the same. It was their natural reaction to something foreign. Simon narrowed his eyes,

"And outside our little group here," He gestured around them, "are a lot of people who know that you know too much about certain things. Without me standing at your back you'd be picked off easily."

Judas paled. Simon was right about that too. He had allowed himself to be dragged too far into the militia now. Judas was strong and could take care of himself, but with a price on his head, he didn't stand a chance. He felt sick. He tried to remember when he and Simon had first met. The Happiness at having someone who would accept him, outsider and all as he was. He could not have seen that Simon only wanted someone with Jesus' ear, someone to use as a double agent within the same group. Judas shivered. He was caught in a web. There was no way out now except to play the game.

Simon stood up and put a hand on Judas' shoulder. "Talk to Jesus. He listens to you." He looked Judas up and down and left him sitting alone at the table. Judas ran a hand through his hair. He cursed under his breath and stood up. As he made to go outside for some fresh air John appeared beside him. John was a quiet man, older than Judas and gentle. He had never heard a harsh word escape his lips. Judas smiled faintly at him.

John walked ahead of him, outside and began to walk toward the stables. Judas fell into step beside him, relishing the breeze as he always did.

"Jesus needs me to check if the donkey is still in the animal shed" said john simply. Judas raised an eyebrow.

"That old mule is ancient. Why does Jesus want to know?"

John shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "I never ask anymore."

They walked on in silence and soon the shed came into sight. The stars were beginning to show as dusk fell on the land. The air was stuffy and thick tonight and Judas could feel beads of sweat on the back of his neck.

"Well, it's still there." Judas screwed up his face at the smell. The donkey lay asleep amongst the hay; the stable was filthy and stank of faeces. John leant against the shed door.

"It's a nice night." He turned his face to the sky. "The stars are getting brighter."

Judas nodded, more to himself than to John.

"Don't let Simon bully you."

John did not look at him; he kept his face upturned to the evening sky. Judas blinked at him, surprised.

"He doesn't – I mean we're….it's just that it's…" he trailed off and shrugged. "It's nothing to worry about."

John said nothing for a minute or two before straightening up and putting a hand on Judas' back.

"You have friends, Judas." And with that he turned and walked back to the inn, shrouded in the beam of light cast from the window. Judas folded his arms and paced around the shed, trying to clear his head. Friends…now there was a thought. It was better to be alone. No one could hurt you when you were alone.

When it was too dark to see anymore Judas went back inside. Everyone was still up despite the hour and he could hear agitated voices, the kind that strain to hold control before an argument breaks out. He pushed open the door and found his comrades seated around the table, Jesus at the head with Mary Magdalene by his side.

"But we need to make a move soon, my lord, "Simon was saying, leaning into Jesus. Andrew's hands were clenched into fists and Peter, to Judas' surprise, was nodding in earnest. "The people- our people- expect it!"

Judas closed the door silently behind him and took stock of the situation. It seemed to be eleven against one, well, two if he counted Mary. Jesus looked sideways at Simon. "_Our_ people?" He raised an eyebrow at him, his voice calm, almost mocking. "Since when did they become _our_ people? They belong to no one. If they are our people then one might as well say they are the Roman's people..."

Simon spat and snarled at him, "filth."

Jesus stared disdainfully at him then rubbed his temples. When he looked up he met Judas' eye. Jesus smiled and gestured for him to sit. The eleven stared as he moved to the table and knelt in amongst them. The room was sweltering hot and his throat was dry. Peter Moved his gaze back to Jesus. "We need a plan. There is so much to do, so much to think of!"

Jesus gave him a pained look. "Why do you obsess about the future so much? All of you?" He looked around at his followers. "Let tomorrow take care of itself."

"Easy enough to say." Andrew scoffed. "Judas takes care of your tomorrow for you. For all of us. "All eyes were once again on Judas who felt a bead of sweat trickle down the back of his neck. Andrew went on. "We want change, we are restless, sitting here, helping no one!" Judas frowned. It was not his fault they were not helping anyone at this point. He simply took care of their accommodation and nourishment. He could not lead the group to a new place without Jesus' will.

Jesus put a hand on Andrew's shoulder. "Can you not enjoy each day? Each day is a gift, my friend. If we rush ahead we will miss the time given to us, time given to us to spend together."

Judas smiled, despite himself. Sending time with Jesus and the others, away from the noise and the crowds, away from the danger, it was a nice thought. The others were muttering amongst themselves, some angry, some passive, and a few unsure. Jesus clasped his hands and stared at them. "I could tell you everything that goes on my head but…I don't even understand some of the thoughts and feelings I have." Jesus' brow furrowed as though he were looking at something invisible in front of him, something only he could see. " So how could I expect you to understand the way this is working? I do what I feel and I feel what I do, but, most of all, I love what I feel and what I do. It has meaning that I cannot convey through only words. Not to you, not to my most faithful." The room stilled as he spoke and Judas longed to reach out to him, to comfort him. Jesus was staring calmly at them once more, but Mary stood, a frown on her face. She kissed his cheek, Judas looked away, before she curtseyed and left the room. Judas could swear there were tears in her eyes.

Peter cleared his throat and put his hands on the table. "When do ride into Jerusalem, Rabbi?"

Jesus looked at him sharply. "Simon Peter, why do you ask such a thing, why does it bother you so?"

Peter did not answer. Simon stared hungrily at Jesus and put his hand on peter's back. "My lord we must enter the city soon. Make ourselves known."

"Ah." Jesus' eyes twinkled as he leant back from the table, calculating Simon. "Simon my friend I'm afraid you leave yourself exposed. I know your motives there." There was an uncomfortable shift in the group. Judas swallowed.

"Why are you obsessed with fighting? After everything I have said and done your motives are unchanged." Jesus looked sad, disappointed even. "You think fate has orchestrated all of this, then why fight it? Allow the course to run itself. Do not resist, pull or push." Simon frowned but retreated all the same, kissing Jesus on the cheek.

"Yes, teacher." He said. "I am sorry." Jesus shook his head.

"Do not apologise my friend. " He stood up and gestured to all of them. "Please, get some rest. " Jesus nodded at them and bade each of them goodnight. The disciples filed out of the small room in silence, Simon giving Judas a meaningful look as he passed by. Judas raised his eyebrows at him and turned away. When the door had clicked shut behind John, the last to leave, Judas sat, resting his elbows on the table. Jesus had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply. Without opening his eyes he knelt and exhaled a long gush of air. The noise from the rest of the inn seemed otherworldly to Judas, muffled and nonsensical, as he watched his teacher relax himself. Jesus opened his eyes and smiled, not suprised to see Judas seated there in front of him.

"You look weary." Said Jesus softly.

Judas laughed faintly, "rich coming from you." Jesus gave him a crooked smile and moved to sit next to him.

"We've only been here a few days and already I can feel mutinous feelings brewing."

Judas sighed. "It's only coming from one source, it's –"

"-Simon, I know" said Jesus wearily. "The others fear him."

He fell quiet and smoothed out his garment. Judas turned his head to the side, "Do you fear him?"

Jesus did not answer right away. He smiled to himself and stared up at the open window. "…No." he said finally. "He is a necessary part of…all this." Judas shook his head and stared at his hands.

"I don't like when you talk like that. I find it hard to grasp." He kept his head down.

Jesus brushed Judas' hair back off his face. "I know you do, Judas, I know. You do not need to understand, nor I think, do you wish to."

Judas opened his mouth to defend himself.

"I was not insulting you. You have interest and appreciate wonder, you see the beauty of my message. You do not dwell on the extraordinary but look only at the core of these things, their effects. You are the prime example of every man. Imperfect but content. Striving for perfection, as many of my followers do, will lead only to distress…"

Judas shrugged. "I am happy being here, with you." He stifled a yawn and Jesus put a warm hand on his shoulder as he stood up. "It is time we rested. I did not like to excite the others, but I think we shall move a little closer to the city tomorrow. The next small village inn perhaps. That, I think, will keep everyone happy." Judas smiled at him.

"Goodnight Jesus. Rest well." Jesus bent low and kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodnight Judas my friend. Thank you."

Jesus left the room and Judas stared up at the stars shining through the open window. He allowed his mind to wander over the events of the evening and soon they turned to Mary Magdalene. She had left the room mid discussion, attempting to hide her tears. Perhaps she and Jesus had disagreed on something. Judas did not care. She had tagged along with them long enough in his eyes. She was a burden and Jesus grew weary of her, or at least he hoped he would. Judas' stomach felt sick again as he remembered the sight of them entwined outside the temple. His confusion tormented him. Why he felt this way was too much of a mystery. Perhaps he was being punished for long forgotten sins. Mary was a good woman. He knew that. Yet the sight of her made him want to…He stopped the train of thought before it crossed into the tracks of his mind. At least they would have a change of scenery tomorrow. Somewhere new to aid the poor, that was what Andrew had complained of earlier in the evening. Judas stretched and allowed his eyes to close, unwilling to cross to his own bedroom, in case Simon was waiting there for him.


	4. Strange Thing, Mystifying

_Hello Hello, If you're reading this then I love you :) _

_I'd love some reviews if you have a spare moment, they really help to keep the motivation going. I'm sorry this chapter is so long but then again, I need to develop relationships etc etc because of the way I'm writing this. Let me know if you have opinions on the plot/characters so far or if you think the directions I'm going are awful :P_

_Again, long chapter but interesting enough._

_Best Wishes,_

_**A. Sade.**_

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**Strange Thing, Mystifying**

The mood of the group remained tense, even after Jesus announced the news that they would be moving to the next village after breakfast. The group were more anxious than ever to make it into Jerusalem and Judas had a hard time avoiding Simon that morning, he was consistently trying to get Judas alone to speak to him. When they had finished eating Peter took him aside,

"That was a cheap stay. Well done Judas." His mocking tone gnawed on Judas' nerves.

"We only have a small amount of money left! It's not my fault that we have to live simply. Besides, it seems to be the feeling of the group that we save funds for the poor. So that we can help as we pass through the-"

"Whatever you say, Judas," Interjected peter, rolling his eyes, "Let's just hope we can make it to the next bloody village in this heat." He walked away to join Andrew and Simon as they headed out to the well. Judas watched them leave, brow furrowed. Simon and Peter hated each other. Why were they suddenly showing obvious signs of comradeship? He pulled his parchment out of his pocket and adjusted it accordingly, careful to set aside a deduction for the poor. A shadow fell across the parchment and he felt someone touch his shoulder lightly. He turned and started as he saw it was Mary, her dark hair falling carelessly over bare shoulders. Judas was at a loss for what to say. He simply stared at her and after a moment she smiled. "I just wanted to say thank you, Judas…for taking care of us all."

Judas nodded numbly at her and cleared his throat. "It's uh…I mean I'm happy to it's not trouble."

She curtseyed to him and gestured toward the door. "Everyone is leaving…walk with me?" Judas smiled at her and took her arm, leading her out into the heat. They were among the last to leave the inn and Judas could see, up ahead, Peter walking along by Jesus' side, James and Andrew in tow. Jesus was staring at the ground as Peter spoke and James' booming laugh soared over them all. Simon and Philip were talking a few yards ahead of them and Judas was careful to keep his pace slow. John walked to the right of the group, no cover over his head, allowing the sun to sink into his skin. He had a small smile on his face.

"I like John…" Judas indicated him and Mary nodded, grinning.

"He's a simple man. Very kind." She pulled her skirt out of the dirt. "Jesus is very fond of him."

Mary sighed, watching Jesus as he walked ahead of them. "He's very tired, Judas. He's acting strange. Sometimes, when he looks at me…" She fell silent, embarrassed.

Judas glanced at her. He wasn't sure what to say, he knew Jesus was weary but he had a feeling something else was worrying Mary. "How do you mean? "

She shook her head. "It's probably nothing, it's just sometimes I feel that he's disconnected from me. Like I don't mean anything to him, like I'm stuck back in my old life i-"

Judas realised she was trying not to cry. "Hey," he said softly, pulling her to a halt. He put his hand under her chin and pulled her face gently upwards. "It's alright. You mean a great deal to him and you know it, he's just…different." Mary sniffed and Judas wiped a tear off her cheek. "Come on,I'll walk the way with you and when the sun is at its hottest we can make sure that you are the one to bring him water. I'l give you my ration and you can give it to him as extra. Jesus will be grateful for that."

Mary smiled at him, her eyes sparkling. "Th-thank you Judas." She threw her arms around him, catching him by surprise. He laughed and hugged her tightly.

"Don't mention it."

They set off together, chatting as friends for the first time since they'd met. She wasn't what Judas had expected. She was no cheap whore with no virtue or value. She was an intelligent girl who'd made mistakes and had been treated terribly. Jesus truly was a good judge of character and Judas vowed never to make assumptions over people again. Judas had learned things about Mary's past that he would not repeat to anyone. It was a wonder that she had remained strong enough to pull through it all. He smiled at her fondly, pointing out that it was almost time for a break as the sun was soaring at its highest. Jesus still walked ahead with Peter but now Simon had flanked him on the other side and had joined in their conversation which seemed to have worn Jesus out as he looked haggard and pained. Judas eyed the two angrily. He handed mary his waterskin and suggested that it might be time to give Jesus a rest. She nodded and thanked him before running ahead to catch up.

Judas sighed happily as he watched her go, calling out to Jesus. They stopped and turned to her and as Judas neared he could hear her saying "Let me try to cool down your face a bit" as she gently pulled Jesus to sit beside her on the rocky ground. The look of relief on Jesus' face was beautiful and Judas could not help but grin. Mary set to task giving him a drink and then washing his face, neck and feet with the remaining water.

The twelve men gathered around and some pulled out food and water, ignoring Jesus and Mary's interaction. Judas sat on the peripherals of the group, smiling to himself as Jesus closed his eyes. "Mary..oh that is so good, thank you." She said nothing but smiled when she caught Judas' eye.

Jesus looked around at them all and spoke softly. Judas strained to hear what he was saying. "That's fine, just look after yourselves. Worrying about meaningless whens and hows. It's pathetic that only she has cared enough to try and help me with what I need. She has no unterior motive, no grander plan." A handful had leaned in to listen to what he had said and, like Judas looked a little put out at his words. They were all hot were they not? The others returned to their own mutterings after a moment rather than attempt a reply. All except Judas, Judas sat watching Mary win Jesus' favour once more. And again he felt a surge of feeling that he did not like. Cold, trickling down his back and through his stomach despite the heat. John approached him through the throng of mutterings about marching on Jerusalem and sat beside him. Judas nodded at him.

"You look rather glummer than usual Judas," He said with a small smile," Is everything alright?"

Judas blinked. "Yes, yes of course…I'm just worried about-"

"-jesus, yes I know. You always care for him and he knows that. He is weary and , after all, every man, no matter how great, can become irritable when they are weary."

Judas nodded, but did not take his eyes off the pair. John turned his gaze to match Judas' and made a noise of discontentment. "I do not approve of that." He said slowly.

Judas glanced at him. He was frowning and looking Mary up and down. "Mary? What do you not approve of?"

John shook his head. "The manner in which Jesus treats her. He should not allow her to touch him so, he should not ever fraternise with such a woman. Behind closed doors would be bad enough but in broad daylight…"

"She's only helping him cool off." Said Judas reaproachfully, "It's harmless enough."

John sighed. "Don't be naïve Judas. We've all seen them, thought you may deny it if you wish. Jesus will get a name for himself, and that name will taint his message and cause him trouble…and us too. Our names will be slandered also." He brushed dirt from his hands and looked at Judas. " I have jus been discussing this with Peter and he agrees. One of us plans to say something to both Jesus and Mary when we arrive in the inn. We will send Mary on her way and straighten jesus out." Judas looked at John in shock. The gentle man had taken on a completely new tone and it did not suit him in the slightest. "Jesus may be a great man but he cannot assume to do as he pleases. I would follow him to the ends of the earth but if he behaves in an ungodly manner, sleeping with women to whom he is not bound in matrimony then where can we say our principles lie? Where do we draw the line?"

Judas swallowed. He could, on one hand, see the point that John had made. It was harsh but not unfair. Then again, he could also imagine what would be said to Mary if it were Peter or Simon who spoke with her, the names she'd be called, the hurt they would cause her, and Jesus, he had enough on his plate. He meant no harm. Not really. Judas rubbed his templesand closed his eyes.

"Do the others of the twelve feel this way?" He asked carfully.

"Yes indeed. Along with the ridiculous push to march into Jerusalem this has been the topic of discussion for many days. We tried to speak of it the other night at the table before you joined us. Mary left the room when you came in because she did not wish to discuss it and nor did our lord."

Judas pulled his hair out of his face and held it in his fist, relishing the pain of it. "Maybe..let me speak to Jesus and to Mary. She has travelled far with us and I don't see why she cannot continue as long as she and Jesus keep a frim enough boundary line…"

John smiled at him. "You have a good heart my friend. It is a nasty business but I'm afraid it must be so. I shall inform the others that you shall take on this burden."

Judas shrugged off his thanks. At least this way the situation could be handled delicately and there would be no mutinous or angry outbursts. John put a hand on his shoulder and smiled warmly at him. "I have great respect for you, Judas. You see things the others do not." Then John left him moved to sit next to James who grinned happily at him.

Judas frowned. He would wait until later to tackle this problem. It wasn;t a problem in his eyes, not now that he knew Mary. She meant no harm and would cause no harm…not to Jesus anyway. He glanced over at the two again and forced himself to ignore the sinking feeling inn his gut, the familiar stab of…jealousy? Was that what I was? Judas shook himself. Jealous of what for goodness sake.

They neared the village as it was nearing dusk, Peter walking ahead with Andrew and Philip, John and James in tow. Simon walked alone for once, heading up the rest of the twelve. Jesus, Judas and Mary brought up the rear, taking their time in the evening air. The village consisted of three families and their children. Only five buildings, no inn. Judas turned to Jesus.

"I'll go and see if one of the families might give you a bed for the night my lord."

Jesus waved his hand, smiling. "Nonsense Judas, we might sleep out under the stars should the need arise… like we used to do. Or in the stables perhaps, just as at my birth." He laughed at Judas' blank stare. "Did I never tell you that I was born in a stable, Judas? I must tell you the tale sometime…although no one can tell a story like my mother." He rubbed at his beard. Judas shook his head and marvelled at how little he knew of Jesus' past.

The other eleven had begun to become impatient and when Judas informed them that they would not be imposing on the people of the town there was a general grumble filtering through the group. Judas rolled his eyes. "If it's good enough for Jesus then it's bloody well good enough for you, make yourselves comfortable. I'll send Mary to get something to eat for you all."

* * *

Mary wasn't long, from one of the men of the village she'd bargained bread and wine for them at a cheap price. Simon rolled his eyes on being handed his supper. "Always bread, never meat." Mary curtseyed and moved to sit near John, who looked a little uncomfortable. Judas sighed. He missed the way the group used to be. When it was an adventure, before everyone became tired and homesick. They were all part of something incredible but that of course was hard to see on an empty stomach. Judas saw Jesus standing alone on the edge of the group and moved over to join him.

"Ah, Judas." He smiled, taking a piece of bread with thanks. "I am sorry I have not spoken to you all day. I've been," he glanced at Peter, "preoccupied." Judas waved off his apology and they sat together to eat. Jesus seemed content and happy so Judas decided to approach the subject of Mary, but carefully.

"I walked most of the way with mary today, " he said, watching Jesus. Jesus made no move, no reaction except an unresponsive "oh?"

Judas went on; "She's not what I expected her to be at all…" Still Jesus said nothing. Judas crossed his legs and leaned in to him.

"There is one thing…about her…it's.." He trailed off, unsure what to say.

Jesus looked up at him, folding the remaining bread in a napkin.

"it's just that, the way you allow her to stroke you, touch you… it's a little inappropriate don't you think?" Judas was reddening, he could feel it creeping up the back of his neck, he did not like what he was about to say. "She was after all, a prostitute…and allowing her to kiss you, well a lot of your followers see it as bad form, as unclean… not that she-"

"Judas." Jesus was glaring at him, his eyes on fire. "How can you say these things? You know very well what she is to me, she's-"

"No, Jesus, I don't, none of us do. Not even she! The way you carry on with her sometimes, it's like you only use her for…for amusement!" Judas was exasperated his mouth working without the consent of his brain. He wasn't angry, just…confused and he kept his tone neutral. "The things you say have rocked the boat with just cause so far but this, this can be seen as wrong on another level Jesus. She isn't your wife she's-"

Jesus stood up, "Who are you to despise her?" Said Jesus, his voice rising. A few sitting near looked up in surprise. "How dare you criticise her? She is dear to me, she's travelled with me just as you have!"

Judas shook his head, a little fearful. "N-no I didn't mean-"

"You accuse her of being a prostitute yet your slate is far from clean! When you are as holy as you proclaim to be then you may throw a stone, until then I suggest you keep your complaints of the company I choose to keep to yourself."

Judas stared at him. He had never seen Jesus loose his cool like this. It was so unlike him. Judas looked around at John and Simon for support, They stared at him and turned away. Judas turned back to Jesus.

"I was not attacking you." He could feel his embarrassment turning to anger. "I was simply passing on a message from your supporters, too afraid though they may be to say it to your face. You cannot do as you please just because some people think the sun shines out of your ass." Jesus' eyes widened at his harsh words. "You may act like a god, Jesus Christ, but you are a man, a man just like the rest of us."

Jesus looked as though he's been slapped in the face and Judas realised that his own eyes were wet with angry tears. Looking to his right he was horrified to see Mary, standing with her arms folded, her faced screwed up in shock and anger. His breathing was short as though he'd run a long distance and he could feel the stares emanating from those around him.

Judas felt a hand on his arm and he whirled around to see Simon standing behind him. He stared at him a moment, Simon's face was a mask, impossible to read, and Judas allowed himself to be pulled through the group of malicious faces glaring at him. He dared not look around to see Jesus' face, or Mary's for that matter. Simon pulled him to a halt a short while away from the group where they would not be over heard. Judas stared at the ground until Simon broke the silence.

"What had to be said was said. Well done, Judas."

"Stop it Simon. You did not back me up. You said nothing, did nothing. You allowed me to crucify myself. " Simon made to speak but Judas carried on. "You speak as though you are a friend to me yet you betray my trust. You leave me unprotected though you say that you strive for my protection."

Simon smirked. "Judas, I did not betray you. Only you could have stood up like that. The others are sheep. You are strong enough to do what is right, to say what is right." His words were softer than usual but Judas was too annoyed to care. He pulled his arm away from him.

"I'll see you later, Simon." And he left, walking nowhere in particular, desperate to clear his head.

* * *

He had walked most of the night before he returned to the place where the twelve had set up camp. The air was warm which was fortunate for their situation. Judas was careful to be quiet, he did not want to wake anyone. He came across Mary's sleeping form. She was apart from the rest of the group and Judas was surprised she was not with Jesus after what had happened. Judas sighed and sat down, pulling his hair out of his face. He was not there long when he heard footsteps nearby. Scanning the area he soon picked out the figure. It was Mary, sidestepping the sleeping men. She caught him staring and paused as though she was unsure what to do. Judas beckoned to her. She made no move, her brow furrowed. Judas sighed and stood up, his back ached.

"Please speak to me," he whispered as loudly as he dared. "what I said… I didn't mean it to be so…"

"Insensitive?" She suggested, moving slowly toward him.

Judas smiled sadly. "I promise I was not attacking you, it was just that I-"

Mary held up her hands. "It's alright, Judas. Just Forget it ok? What you said was uncalled for but…In fairness to you, you always have a good intention behind even your strangest actions. " She put a hand on his arm. There was a pause, neither making a sound.

"Jesus felt awful afterwards," Said Mary after a while," He wouldn't speak for a good hour or so."

Judas raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Why? He didn't do anything.."

Mary shrugged. "He attacked you, it was unlike him. While you were away he started speaking in puzzling riddles, worse than normal. He said that no one really cared if he came or went, accusing Simon and Peter of being shallow and slow. He spoke as if he were dying. It rather frightened me."

Judas frowned. "And what did Peter say to this?" he could imagine the dent in Peter's pride at such an insult.

Mary fiddled with her hair. "They all denied it, of course. Asked him how he could say such things. I don't know, maybe he's just exhausted."

Judas mused over this, rubbing at a sore spot on his shoulder. "Perhaps…" Mary stood up. "I'm tired Judas, I think I'll try and sleep a few hours." She smiled and left him, pulling her hair off her neck to cool down. Judas sighed, musing over what she had said. He knew that some of the disciples were less than perfect, that their intelligence did little to rival Jesus', but they were not bad men, not really. Simon was fiery and intimidating, but he believed in his cause, believed in making sacrifices for the greater good, a few lives for many, he had said. Besides, had Jesus not always stressed that a healthy man did not need a doctor, but the sick? And were they, his closest followers, not some of the most typically flawed men he had found in galilee and Judas wondered for the millionth time, why he was singled out in Judea. Jesus, being the most intelligent of all, seeming to know things through instinct and always looking ahead…surely he knew how devoted each man was to him, in his own way.

Judas rubbed his eyes. It pained him to think of Jesus in distress. Stress he could not help feel that he had caused and contributed to. Judas scanned the crowd for Jesus' sleeping form and did not see him. He counted…eleven men lay sleeping and then, yes there was Mary a little away from the group. He stood up, puzzled. Then Judas saw him. He was standing with his back against the wall on the peripheral of the village, staring at the sky. Judas debated with himself for a moment and then moved slowly over toward Jesus. Jesus did not hear him approaching and Judas cleared his throat self-consciously, causing Jesus' head to snap up at the interruption. His eyes locked with Judas' and there was a strange look on his face that Judas had never seen before. The two men stared at each other and the air suddenly seemed charged, Judas realised he's been holding his breath and released it. Jesus did not speak and Judas couldn't remember what he had been going to say. Without warning Jesus took three long strides and threw his arms around Judas who caught him and held him. They stood there, gripping each other tightly and Judas allowed his thoughts to scatter to the wind. Jesus' body gave a great shudder and Judas could hear stifled sobs escape his lips. Judas closed his eyes and put a hand on his teacher's hair, an invitation to cry. Jesus took it and broke down, sinking to the ground. Judas knelt beside him. Jesus shook his head in an attempt to control himself.

"I –I'm sorry J-Judas. I –"

"Shhh," He said quietly, "It's alright, Everything's alright." Jesus sobbed quietly for a minute or so and then slowly gathered himself together. He looked at Judas,

"Thank you Judas, I'm sorry about that…and for how I treated you earlier."

Judas shook his head. "I was out of line, I approached it wrong I-"

"You were right though. I have acted wrongly." He lowered his head.

"Judas brushed Jesus' hair back off his face as Jesus had done to him so many times before. "I think you should sleep, at least a few hours. Let the world turn without you for five minutes eh?"

Jesus smiled and nodded. "I am very tired…" The two stood up and began walking back toward the group. "Goodnight Jesus," said Judas quietly and kissed him on the cheek.

* * *

Thanks for reading. Please Review :) I'll reply.


	5. Everything's AlrightPt1

This Chapter was difficult because I've tried to bring in Mary's point of view and it's a short enough story for the character development that I'd like... Or maybe I'm just awful at writing.

This means I'm having a little trouble knowing my characters well enough to be clear in their intentions and actions etc. Especially the relationships between Mary/Jesus and then the subtle hint at Jesus/Judas. I'm trying to work it out in my head instead of as I write so The chapter's deivided into two parts.

I Love You all.

* * *

**Everything's Alright(Part 1)**

_The Bible never claims that Mary Magdalene was the woman who was caught in the act of adultery and saved from being stoned to death by Jesus in John 8:1-11. However, she is identified as having once been possessed by seven demons in Luke 8:2. This may be the source of the orthodox tradition that Mary was a prostitute before she met Jesus._

* * *

_The room was dark and stuffy. Her clothes clung to her, sweat trickling down the side of her face. The voices. They were so loud. Crying out, she clamped her hands over her ears, begging them to stop screaming at her. She was frightened. Please…please stop..please. PLEASE! _

Mary sat bolt upright, her heart pounding and breath short. A warm breeze. Open air. She exhaled slowly as she looked around. Men slept a short distance off to her right and she could see the stars shining over the hills to her left. Safe. Mary reached down and picked up her small calfskin of water. She splashed a little on her face and blinked, trying to calm down. Those fucking nightmares. One of the men had stood up and was walking toward her, she pulled her skirt further down over her legs and met his gaze as he got close enough. It was Simon Peter.

"I swear, Woman, if you wake me with those ridiculous screams once more … " His glare would have been frightening if Mary had not been subjected to it every day since they met. He bent lower to her and was almost touching her nose with his as he hissed; "Your being here is questionable as it is. You shouldn't be here, not amongst men of honour."

Mary's eyes flashed at him and she spoke in a low voice.

"Jesus seems to think otherwise, Peter. And if you are a man of honour, I would be very unwilling to meet someone that you would deem dishonourable…" She raised an eyebrow and turned away from him, willing him to leave. No one else was awake and although she remained still, some instinct was telling her to run.

Peter's heavy breathing grew louder as he attempted to control his anger. Mary closed her eyes and clenched her fists, ready to take a blow. But no blow came. Peter's breath grew more regular and she heard him stand and walk away from her. Mary crumpled back down onto her ragged blankets, hugging herself as shameful tears spilled down her cheeks. "Stop it. Stop. Don't be stupid." She talked quietly to herself trying to get a grip. She missed him. She missed him so much.

* * *

The morning sun was unforgiving. Mary washed herself, away from the group, wishing the other women had not left them in Capernaum. She was lonely. Kneeling down in what little shade she could find, Mary began to pray. She thanked God for sending Jesus to her, to all of them, and she prayed for her companions…even Simon Peter. She asked for God's forgiveness for her past and present sins and promised to love him forever. Amen.

She remained on her knees with her eyes closed long after she had finished, Mary preferred sitting alone in silence over the burning hostile stares of Jesus' disciples. They might pretend to have revolutionary knowledge and pure hearts like the teacher they all admired, but deep down they were still the same flawed men with the same old prejudices. Being swept up in a glory haze did nothing for a man except inflate his ego.

Jesus' message was too simple, too pure. His disciples had already begun scrutinizing every word he said in search for 'the hidden meaning.' They debated for hours on end, heatedly, and, Mary had seen more than once, violently. How they could be so blind. There was no secret, no hidden meaning. Jesus was not God. He was a man. He was a man who knew what it was to love without fear, without reason or doubt, to love indiscriminately. He loved rich and poor, beautiful and scarred. He loved sinners. Sinners like her.

Mary felt her pulse speed up as she thought of him. His warm eyes, his soft hair, his calloused hands with their gentle touch… She longed to feel his lips on her skin again. Longing ached inside her, it ached deeply. She bit her own lip as she remembered how it felt to lie with a man who did not see her as a common whore, as a cheap way to pleasure himself with minimal effort. Jesus had not hit her as they had, or hurt her. Jesus was careful and patient. He had said that she delighted him with her laughter and her fire. She made him feel free. Or at least she had.

Now when he looked at her she could feel his reverence, as though she were a secret he wished that he did not have to keep. He allowed her to touch him and kiss his hair but…she could not help but suspect that he merely did not want to hurt her with rejection. Tears stung behind her eyes and she fought them back. She did not love him that way. A companion was all she wanted. A husband to make her feel safe. It did not have to be Jesus…but if she could choose… Mary wondered what had changed. Why she could no longer make him feel what he had felt, the freedom that he had craved.

She had never asked what it was he was seeking freedom from. But, there were moments when she thought she could see something, a shadow behind his eyes. Something that scared him, perhaps. Something that was constantly there, not hanging over him like a dead weight, but like a figure always walking beside him, distracting him. It frightened her. Mary let her head hang lower and closed her eyes tighter, wishing she understood what was going on. Why did everything have to be so difficult now? They had been simple before. Hard, but simple. She had a place; she had a role to play. What part did she play now? Was it her decision or was it decided for her? Did she even matter? In the never ending flow of time, people and events, where was she to fit in, how would she be significant?

"Mary..? " The tentative voice broke her stream of thought and she looked up quickly, her cheeks flushing as though Judas had heard her thoughts aloud. "Are you alright?"

He crouched beside her and studied her face.

"I'm fine." She forced a pathetic smile. "I was just…praying."

Judas frowned. "Here, have some water." She took it gratefully and drank a mouthful.

"Are we moving off now?"

"Not yet…" Judas sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Jesus is tired. I said we should let him rest a while longer. "

Mary glanced over his shoulder, searching for Jesus' sleeping form. "How is he sleeping in this heat?"

"He's not sleeping," said Judas, following her gaze. He pointed. "He's there in the shade."

Mary watched him a moment then turned back to Judas. "I bet you're popular."

Judas pulled a face. "As usual." He grinned at her. "Ah they don't mind really, everyone's worn out. Secretly they're glad of the rest."

Marys raised an eyebrow. "Even Simon?"

Judas' eyes darkened. He said nothing but Mary understood. She brushed a bit of sand off her skirt. It didn't help much, the skirt was filthy. "He's not serious though. I mean, I know he's all for a revolution against Rome and all that but he doesn't have any resources. He can't be mad enough to take on Rome all by himself.."

Judas remained silent. Mary stared at him. He looked a little sick. He knew something that she didn't.

After a few minutes of silence Mary stood up. Judas looked up at her. "I'm going to take Jesus some water again." He nodded.

"Good Idea."

* * *

As Mary approached, Jesus looked up, smiling when he saw her. She curtseyed to him and knelt by his side. She held out the water calfskin. Jesus' eyes lit up. "Mary, you are truly my saviour."

She smiled timidly and watched him drink. Beads of sweat had formed by his temples and his chest glistened from the heat. Mary caught her breath in her throat, immediately feeling ashamed. Jesus handed her the calfskin and put his head back against the wall, relishing the shade, and Mary moved to sit beside him feeling clumsy and awkward.

Jesus sighed. "I'm sorry, I'm not much company. I'm just weary"

Mary made an incoherent noise intending to feign nonchalance.

Jesus laughed quietly. "Ah Mary, I know I must frustrate you."

"No my Lord, never." She kept her eyes on the ground.

Jesus sat up. "I have not treated you fairly. You know you mean a great deal to me, Mary. You are a beautiful woman through and through, you have a fire in you that I see in few others and it was joyous to behold. "

Mary looked up to meet his eyes. She was having difficulty breathing but feigned it away.

"Was?" She accused, raising an eyebrow.

Jesus put a hand on her shoulder, sending tingles down her arm.

"Is. You are joyous to behold. But…" He seemed to be struggling with his words, searching for something to say. "I am not quite like the other men, Mary… I cannot even explain it to you. It's something I feel, inside…" He removed his hand from her shoulder and rubbed his eyes. "I enjoy every moment we spend together. I love you dearly."

Mary bit her lip and nodded slowly although she had not a clue what he was saying, or was trying to say. She put a hand on his knee. " Are you telling me that you cannot or will not have me…?"

Jesus sighed. "I do not know. Maybe a bit of both. It is unfair to you. And, although it seems a feeble point in this discussion, we are not married. It is improper and will be seen by most as sinful. I do not want the good we have made destroyed by a tarnished reputation…"

Forcing a grin onto her face she knelt up, "You're speaking as though I am deeply concerned over all of this." Jesus was frowning but she continued, pulling an alabaster jar out from her pocket. "You worry far too much you know. "

He sighed. "So it would seem."

Mary took his hand. "Lie here on my lap and let me put some ointments on you,"

He reluctantly leant back with his head on her knees. Mary leant over him and began rubbing the ointment and spices into the back of his neck and shoulders. She tried not to relish the feel of his skin under her hands, the aroma was intoxicating enough.

"Everything's alright" she said soothingly. "Everything's fine. I'd say you'll sleep well tonight. "

He mumbled in reply, his body relaxing. She stared to rub the oils down his calves and over his feet. It was a stretch but she could comfortably make it. "You can sleep now for a while if you like. I'll keep soothing the fire in your feet until you drop off."

He shook his head but a yawn gave him away.


	6. NOT A CHAPTER

NOT A CHAPTER :S

I know it has been literally ages since I updated this, and I'm so sorry, and I appreciate the reviews from you all. I'm working on the next few chapters, but at the moment College has me swamped as does work I'm doing for preparation for going to Africa in the summer. I'll update again ASAP. Thank you for your patience.

X  
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